More darkness

I am perfectly symmetrical.

Word count: 46182

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Raymond Chandler said, “When in doubt, have a man come through a door with a gun in his hand.” At the moment, I am nothing if not in doubt. Plus, I have a gun and am standing in front of a door. It’s the door to room 207. I decide it’s time to take control. I turn the key in the lock, and lean against the door with Kimp’s revolver in my right hand. Slowly, I open the door and lean into the room.
It is dark in here. Pitch black. The kind of darkness you have to swim through, praying you don’t sprain your ankle on some unseen obstacle. It is beyond the darkness that you find when you close your eyes. It is the essence of dark. What little light enters the room from the streetlights behind me forms a rectangle on the floor with my long shadow in its center – an ominous shape, even though it is mine.
I must make a neat target for anyone waiting inside as I stand here, silhouetted nicely against the backdrop of the streetlights and the highway. This thought enters my head and part of my mind waits for the flash of a gun, the report of the shot, the sting of a bullet, but I am unable to do anything about it. My mouth agape, I stare at the edges of my shadow, not paying any conscious attention to the danger in which I have placed myself. This is not the room we stayed in three years ago. It can’t be. Where light reveals floor, it reveals polished hardwood, not the abstract pattern of industrial carpet
I snap out of the stupor, shaking my head free of implications. I try to take a step back from the doorway, but there is something forcing me to enter the room. It is more than my curiosity about what lays waiting inside. I have a healthy sense of self-preservation, but even that is unable to resist the pull of the room. As if in a dream and without control over my own actions, I step inside. My footsteps echo loudly in the room, the sounds finding nothing to bounce off of save for the opposite walls. I close the door behind me. It clicks as it shuts and then the room is almost unnaturally quiet, as if the cars rushing by on the interstate just a few hundred feet away are not there at all.
I stand just inside the door, my right arm rising of its own accord to find a light switch on the wall. I feel like I’ve done this recently. I debate with myself about the merits of just staying in the dark; just staying here forever.

I almost had to drug his drink.

Wrote this a couple days ago, probably while very very exhausted. Immediately afterwards, I thought to myself, "I may need to drug his drink to get away with this."

But I'm not gonna. Do you hear me? Not gonna do it.

---

I stand with my back to the bar and watch the crowd, sipping my drink. It is a typical college scene. The kids look exactly the same as they did when I was last here, all trying to be some perfect version of what they think everyone else wants to see. Whoever says that college is the place where people find their own identities is sadly mistaken. I don’t think that happens until you’re out in the real world, if it even happens then. The only thing different about these kids is that I have gotten older, so they look even younger than they once did. Eventually, looking at a college kid is going to be like looking at a toddler. Babies look like zygotes. I am a giant, stomping around the world, trying not to crush too much; trying not to leave too large a path of destruction in my wake.

Word 45,000

This is me overdressed for the sixty-degree weather we were blessed with today.

Word number 45,000: a

You might remember that word 30,000 was also "a". Before you jump to any conclusions and accuse me of just copying and pasting the last 15,000 words over and over again, keep in mind that "a" is one of the more commonly used words in the English language. Also, keep in mind that these are the only two times I used the word "a" in this entire novel. So keep your criticisms to yourself, you meanie.

This one's for two of you....

Wow.... Wowie wow wow.

Word count: 44713
Percent complete: 88

Dropping references like they're pennies.

---

The first band starts – it is Octopus 5. The band members -- all eight of them -- wear latex gloves and surgical masks. The music isn’t bad -- it’s kind of a Garth Brooks meets Pig Destroyer kind of thing – and I’m actually getting into it.

Chandler

Reading some Raymond Chandler quotes and they all tell me I'm writing a piece of crap in terms of detective fiction. But they're all brilliant. Check em out:

Raymond Chandler on wikiquote

His writing style was just fantastic. Am I just now discovering this? My apologies for my ignorance.


"I needed a drink. I needed a lot of life insurance. I needed a vacation. I needed a home in the country. What I had was a hat, a coat and a gun. I put them on and went out of the room."

Getting closer to the end....

Posing with the photo Jen gave me prior to my first Nano. It helps me embrace both the good and the bad ideas.

Really feel like I'm closing in on the end, not only of the word count (43473) but actually of the story. I have some good images for the very end, I think. I hope.

Decided that once it's all done, I'm going to put this out there for anyone who wants to read it along with an author's note explaining exactly what I was going for. That way, all you guinea pigs will be able to help me figure out where it goes wrong, what it gets right, and maybe how to get it there. We shall see.

Want an excerpt? No? Okay.

Palindromic

Word 43434: "car"


[afterthought: too bad it wasn't racecar. or mom. or dad. or madamimadam.]

Another AutoSummary

Here's a snippet of a 500 word Microsoft Word AutoSummary:

---

I wonder if I can get my hands on that file.
“It’s not the nicest room.”
I turn the handle and the door opens.
“Okay, well…. "Livvy?" I call her name again, a little louder this time, approaching the door. The room is empty. There's nobody there. Hard times rolled off her. “Right away, sir.”
I’ll take you home if you’re not feeling well.”
“Your name is Charlie? Don’t say anything, just nod your head if you understand.”
I shook my head.
I’m sorry if I’ve caused you any excessive pain or inconvenience.

Doubting Charles

Word count: 42651

Wrote this last night and as I'm writing it, I'm thinking, "I'm just putting my doubts about this novel into my character's mind." It's funny: Charlie has several moments where he has these "I can't go on, I must go on" moments that are really all my fault. This one was probably the most intense. Fortunately, it was followed by yet another revelation (on my part) about what's going to happen to him and so he made it through again. Way to go, Charlie!

---

I wonder about this trip to Normal. I don’t even know where I’m going or what I’ll do when I get there. It seemed like such a sure thing when I made the connection. “Go see Illinoir,” they said. So I go down there and see it and what will that do for me? That’s been the problem with this whole thing. It’s all happening in fits and starts. I’m not making any progress towards any goals. I figure out one thing and then six other things pop up and I’ll never unravel them all. I make one connection at the cost of another.
I give up on my papers, stuff them back into my bag, feel the gun. Desperation’s voice in the back of my head tells me just to put it in my mouth and pull the trigger. Rarely is that voice so dark and rarely does it sound so attractive. My hand closes around the grip inside the bag. I feel its weight and power. It’d be so much easier to stop this all right now, arrive in Normal as a corpse rather than a live human with all these questions and mysteries. Who needs them?
I sit like that, folded over in my seat, holding a gun hidden in my duffel, for several minutes and I’m not sure what brings me out of it; what causes me to lower the revolver back into the relative safety of my T-shirts. Perhaps it is my love of a mystery solved that makes me realize that I need to see this through to the end. Maybe it’s the way Kat is staring at me from across the aisle. Disgusted with myself, I withdraw my hand from the bag.
I am weak to be thinking like this. My exhaustion from the events of the last 36 hours along with the alcohol and the stress have all combined to break down all my defenses. I need sleep.

Word count: 41734

AutoSummarize...

Word count: 41342

Microsoft Word has a feature you probably haven't used. Or, at least, I've never used it before. It's called 'AutoSummarize...' and it's a lot of fun. I will periodically post various summaries of the novel.

Here is a 20 sentence summary:

---

The lighter works. If only, if only, if only!" I’ve just been working.”
"Sal!" "Bonnet!" Right?)

Law asks.
"Detective? "Livvy?" Law laughs. "Charlie!" Right? Call 911."
"Bonnet!" Bonnet! "Sorry, Law. "Alright, Law. Guys!” “Guys. Bonnet Detective Agency

The 40,000th word

Is.......

"water"