"The Long Arm of Johnny Law"

Word count: 11131
Health: Eh.
The beard: how bout it, huh?

A bit longer of an excerpt here. Almost a full chapter. Recounting Charlie Bonnet's run-in with Johnny Law.

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So the police are here. This is just fantastic. You might wonder how I know it's the police without leaving my comfortable seat in the study. "Is it another one of Charlie's crazy 'feelings' that he's been working so hard to convince me of?" It is nothing of the sort, I assure you. "Well, Charlie, are you about to tell me about some ridiculously expensive and high-tech surveilance system that is conveniently linked to your desktop computer so that at this very moment you are chuckling as you watch a frustrated police officer knock at your door?" No, my dear friend, that is not either. Here is how I know:
The police officer is actually bellowing, "Open up in the name of the law!" as he pounds upon my door. I know, it seems a little far-fetched. It almost seems like it's too good to be true for those of us who enjoy this sort of thing. But it's true. This is exactly what is happening right this very second.
Sighing, I get to my feet and go to the front door as the pounding continues.
"Open up, Bonnet!" shouts the policeman. "We know you're in there!"
I throw open the door just as the cop, a plainclothes detective, winds up for a mighty swing, no doubt intending to knock my door down.
"Good morning, Detective Law," I say with a smile. "What can I do for you?"
Again, I'm not kidding here either. His name actually is Jonathan Law. It's just too much.
"Bonnet," Detective Law says, composing himself, "what took you so long?"
"I'm in the habit of being asleep at this hour, Detective. You might try it one day."
"I'm not in the mood for your wisecracks today, Bonnet. I'm working a murder."
"A murder? Goodness me. Would you like to come in?" I step back from the door and usher him inside. "Can I get you something to drink?"
"Naw, this won't take long. I just wanted to ask you a couple questions."
"By all means. Won't you sit down?" I gesture towards one of the chairs in the living room. As the detective sits, I cross to the bar where I fill a martini glass with ice and water. "Is it about the murder?"
"No, no," he says. "Why? You know something about one?"
I laugh and fill a shaker with ice. "Of course not, Detective Law."
"Oh, alright," Detective Law says, taking a quick glance around the apartment. "Nice place you got here, Bonnet."
"Thanks, Detective," I say, pouring a shot of black cherry vodka into the shaker. "I didn't realize you'd never been up here before."
"I guess I never made it to one of your end of case victory parties," Law says with a sneer. He and I have butted heads on a few occasions and I may have shown him up once or twice, but I didn't realize that he held any animosity towards me. He's a good cop and I know he's more interested in seeing justice done than in getting credit for a collar.
"Well, let me just tell you right now that there's a standing invitation to you. My wife thinks the world of you, you know." I pour a two count of Godiva dark chocolate liqueur into the shaker.
"Well ain't that something. I'll keep that in mind. Say, where is the little lady anyhow? Did she manage to sleep through all that noise I was making?"
"Oh no," I laugh as I add a splash of Grand Marnier to the mixer. "She's out working on a case somewhere."
"That's not what your super said."
"You talked to Sal?"
"He called over to the station, said you'd come home looking like you'd been in a title fight and came out on the losing end," Law says, giving me a glance. "Only you don't look so roughed up now."
Damn that Sal. "I took a shower."
"You clean up nice. He says he had to let you in on account of you didn't want to wake up your wife. Says you first told him she was out of town."
I cap the mixer and give it precisely three and a half shakes. "That's right."
"Well which one is it, Bonnet? Is she asleep, out of town, or working on a case?"
"She's out working on a case. I talked to her not five minutes before I called Sal."
"So why the fibs? What's the story?"
"Honestly, I just didn't want to get into it with Sal. The last time I told him that my wife was out working at 3 AM, I didn't hear the end of it about how I was a pussy for letting my wife out at all hours. He and I don't exactly see eye to eye about the idea of 'allowing' a woman to work outside the home. I thought I might avoid some trouble by telling an innocent lie. Obviously, I was wrong." I dump the ice and water from the martini glass and pour my drink into it. I carry it across to the couch opposite the detective. "So, Detective Law, is this what you came here for? To ask me about the whereabouts of my wife? We can call her if you like."
"So what was with all the blood?"
"I got into a bit of a scrap this evening," I say and then take a sip of my drink. It tastes awful. Back to the drawing board. I chalk it up as a learning experience. "Someone did a number on me."
"But you should see the other guy, eh?"
"Actually, I'd love to. I never got a look at him. If there even was a him. I'm not entirely sure what happened."
"Why don't you lay it on me?"
I tell the detective a condensed version of the story, leaving out the details of the ominous message and the disturbing photo. Perhaps he could help if I trusted him more and told him the whole story but right now I'm thinking that it might lead me to an overnight stay in the lockup. Even though the night is growing shorter and shorter, that's not something I look forward to.
"That's one hell of a story, Bonnet," Law says when I finish. "I don't know what to make of that at all."
"Nor do I, Detective. I'm hoping a visit to my office will shed some more light on the matter."
"Why don't you head over there now?"
"Detective, I'm exahausted. I've had a very difficult night. If it's all the same to you, I'll check it out first thing in the morning and give you a call once I know something more."
"That's fine, that's fine," he says, standing and retrieving his hat from the coffee table. "I'll hit the road for now, then. Just make sure you give me that call tomorrow."
"That's a promise," I say, leading the detective to the door.
"Alright, Bonnet. Get some sleep. I'll talk to you tomorrow."
He is halfway down the hallway before I remember that he had mentioned a murder. "Detective? What was that about a murder victim?"
He turns. "Oh yeah. A civilian found a body downtown. Blonde lady, nice dress, shot twice at close range."
"Was it another robbery?" There had been a recent string of robberies in the downtown area. Rich folks from the suburbs had been getting their expensive things taken from them by the jealous and less fortunate criminal element in the city.
"Don't think so. She had some diamonds in her ears and around her neck that weren't even touched."
"That's strange indeed."
"That ain't the half of it. Her face; her fingerprints.... It's going to be real tough to ID her," he says, shaking his head.
"Were they burned off? Mutilated?"
"No, it's more like.... It's more like they were blurred."
My heart skips a beat. Maybe three. "Blurred?"
"I know. It sounds crazy, but there you have it. Just when you think you've seen it all, huh?"
I take a deep breath. "It's a mad mad mad mad world, Detective."
"Don't I know it, Bonnet?" Detective Law tips his hat to me and heads down the stairs. "Anyhow, I'll look forward to your call tomorrow."
I call after him, "Good night, Detective."